Viagra Double trouble 

A man went to the doctor to get a double dose of Viagra but his request was denied.

"Why can't I have a double dose?" the man asked.
"It's not safe," the doctor replied.
"But I need it really bad," the manexplained. "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, one of my exes will be here on Saturday, and my wife is coming home on Sunday."
"Okay, I'll give it to you," the doctor relented."But you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check to see ifthere are any side effects.

"On Monday the man dragged himself into the doctor's office with his right arm in a sling.

The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"

The man said, "No one showed up."

Did you hear about the blonde who....

Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.